All About Psychotherapy & Counseling

Trauma survivors know all about perpetrators.  Dissociative trauma survivors know all about sadistic perpetrators.  Dissociative trauma survivors with a background in ritual abuse, or mind control, or sex slavery organizations know all about truly evil perpetrators.

Those of us in the world who were not directly exposed to such darkness have a hard time grasping its depth.  It seems surreal to us.  Unfathomable.  While many therapists may truly believe “in their heads” that abuse and evil exist in this world, having that head knowledge is still a far cry from truly knowing and experiencing yourself as the target of evil.

I’ve been working almost exclusively with dissociative trauma survivors for over 20 years, and I have listened to and believed what my clients have told me. I know the politically correct answer is to say that I can neither confirm nor deny the abuse of others, but let’s face it.  Either trauma therapists believe their clients were genuinely abused or they need to get out of the field and go work somewhere else.

But do therapists really know what evil is? I dare to say, no, most do not.

They have head knowledge, but most mental health therapists have not experienced evil.  They haven’t been the target of a predator.  They haven’t had their soul ravaged or clawed into.  They haven’t had their body destroyed or ripped apart.  Of course, there are some wounded healers that have truly been able to rise above their own traumas and actually do have a genuine sense of how deeply evil can wound, but these are a rare find.

(But be careful, there are far too many wounded who should spend more time on their own healing before jumping into the helping profession.  If you happen to find a therapist that truly has done their own healing, then you are very fortunate – that person will be able to help you.  But please watch out for the professionals who are still mid-process.  They can cause a lot more harm than they might mean to cause.)

Despite my sheltered upbringing, in the past few years, I have been getting a deeper grasp on how cold and evil people can be.  I’ve had a closer look at the destructive handiwork of predators.  Initially it took me off-guard, because I really believed in the goodness of people.  I was raised to trust, to forgive, to love, and to see the best in others, and I do that easily.

So being targeted by the calculated coldness of predators has been quite an eye-opening experience.  I still shake my head in surprise, completely amazed at how vicious people can be.   The lies, the twists, the deception – the depths to which people will sink when they have no conscience to guide them – it’s totally mind boggling to someone raised by a family who truly believed in goodness.

How does someone protect themselves from blatant attacks by a predator trying to destroy them?  When someone is trying to rip at your very core, how do you stay safe and solid within yourself?

First, know that they don’t know you.  They know what they want you to be, but they don’t know who you truly are apart from them.   As a result, they don’t speak the truth about you, or about anyone.  They speak through the tools of their trade.  They tells lies, they create deception, because these are the things they know.  They know darkness, and they know cold, calculated, purposeful destruction of people.  Yes, they purposefully work to destroy good people.  But they are not you.  And they are not me.

You don’t have to listen to them.  You don’t have to believe them.  You don’t have to be who or what they say you are.  You don’t have to do what they say to do or think what they tell you to think.  They are flat wrong in their words, their actions, and their motives.  Learn who you truly are, apart from their lies and their manipulations and their tricks.  Learn to think for yourself, neither in obedience to them nor in reaction to them, and that will help you to separate yourself from them.

And believe in your true self.  Your life, your beliefs, your heart, and your soul belong to what you are willing to fight for and to what you stand for when there is nobody but you yourself telling you where to stand.  You don’t have to give any of yourself away to the dark, cold emptiness of a predator.  If you know and connect to your true self, that alone can be a protection against any predatory attack on your self.  Knowing who you truly are is an armor against the lies and tricks intended to destroy you or hurt you by telling you who and what you are.

And learn how to compassionately love.  Hold onto that gentle love you feel, and never let it go.  Evil does not love.  If you can genuinely love and care for others, you are not one of them.  Stand solid in the knowledge of your own goodness, your spiritual faith, your strengths, and your ability to think and to feel and to love.  Let that repel the evil away from you.

Separate yourself from them.  Know who you are apart from them.

And stay far away from them.  The best protection you can have is not to give them the opportunity to say or do anything to you.  Protect yourself.  If you know that somebody is a predator or a perpetrator, stay away from them.

Because you are not them. And they are not you.

You do not belong to them, no matter how much they come after you.

You do not belong to them, no matter what they did to you or what they said to you or what they made you do.

Stay true to yourself, and be who you are.  Be who you truly are.  And let the power of compassionate love overcome any darkness that tries to change you.

If you forget, remember the beauty and simplicity in an opening quote from the movie, “The Notebook”:

“I am no one special – just a common man, with common thoughts.  I’ve led a common life.  There are no monuments dedicated to me, and my name will soon be forgotten.  But in one respect, I’ve succeeded as gloriously as anyone who has ever lived.

I’ve loved another with all my heart and soul, and for me, that is always good enough.“

__________

By:

Kathy Broady LCSW

www.AbuseConsultants.com

www.SurvivorForum.com

Did you experience the social earthquake today?

The sudden death of Michael Jackson today has caught everyone by surprise.

Will he be more remembered as the King of Pop?  Or will he be forever remembered as a suspected child molester?

Everyone will have strong views about it, I’m sure.  I can’t even begin to imagine all the controversies that are going to be brought back to the surface.

The death of a famous celebrity icon affects so many people.  Early unexpected deaths of the rich and famous create a public stir for months and years to come.  Everyone talks about it.  Even twitter was overloaded with the breaking news. Anyone that sang and danced along with some of his songs will feel the loss.  Every choreographer will feel a sting and sadness.  We’ll see new books, new articles, new blog posts.  His face will be on magazine covers and newspaper headlines and in every version of media that we have.

In fact, it’s already on the news, online, in twitter, in chatrooms, on the radio, on television, in blogs – the news is everywhere!  Everyone is talking about it, and everyone is asking everyone else if they have heard about it.

Even Farrah Fawcett’s death today will be overshadowed by the controversial Jackson’s death.

Thousands and thousands and thousands of people will feel the reverberations of the news.  It’s like a social earthquake.

While maybe not as public or as clearly visible, the death of a perpetrator can wreak havoc on a survivor’s life, also for days and months and years to come.  For trauma survivors with dissociative identity disorder, all the different parts within the internal system will feel the news with just as much shock.

Sometimes, abuse victims feel safer talking and telling about their trauma after their perpetrator dies.  I don’t know if or how that will apply to the children near the Michael Jackson situation, but it is very common with other survivors of sexual abuse.

When survivors feel intimidated by, scared of, threatened by their perpetrators, it is not unusual for those survivors to keep the secrets of their abuse tucked inside them until after their perpetrators pass away.

Survivors may do this purposefully, or their dissociative walls may simply have been strong enough to hold all that information back even without the survivor’s awareness.

Survivors with DID systems will often feel all kinds of internal changes taking place with the death of a major perpetrator.  There will be all kinds of internal movement, and shifting.  There will be an internal earthquake.

How do survivors with dissociative identity disorder experience this earthquake?

A.  Noticeable Decrease in Dissociation
Deaths of perpetrators can make dissociative walls crumble, emphasizing the point that those dissociative walls were there for safety and survival reasons in the first place.

When there is less likelihood of ongoing abuse, the need for dissociative walls is decreased significantly.  When the walls come down, the now-unblocked information reconnects back to the parts that initially dissociated it away.  Different parts of the system will be learning all kinds of new information, and experiencing new feelings.

B.   Memories of abuse, incident after incident, can come crashing through.  PTSD flashbacks and other PTSD symptoms will increase.

Why does this happen?

After the fear of dealing with their perpetrator in current day life subsides, and once the survivor feels safer, all kinds of memories can come flooding back.  Child parts or even older parts with trauma memories will come to the surface, each wanting, hoping for, needing time to talk about what happened to them.  The host of the system may feel overwhelmed by the sudden need of so many trauma-holding parts to have time to talk, and needing time to heal.  The pain attached to these parts will be intense.

C.  Increased Activity by Internal Introjects
Internal introjects may be kicked into greater action, feeling the need to replace the external perpetrator by taking a more vigorous role in the daily life of the dissociative survivor.  Some internal introjects were taught and trained to respond when the external perpetrator was no longer visible.  The internal perpetrator introject will try to carry on in the same manner, just to keep the status quo.

D.  The Emergence of New Alter Personalities
New alters may finally feel brave enough to step forward and speak about their life story, including trauma memories.  They may not have felt comfortable appearing until the perpetrator was dead and gone.

E. Increased Denial
While some parts may be happy and thrilled about the death of the perpetrator, other parts will fight that reality with all their being.  These parts with an attachment to the perpetrator will need time to explore and process their feelings, and to explain why they were so connected to the perpetrators.  Oftentimes, these are the parts that were treated kindly, and any abuse would have been framed in a more positive connotation.  These parts simply will not want to accept or believe that the external perpetrator is dead.  They will see the internal introject of the perpetrator and transfer much of their loyalty to this part.

F. Increased Pull for Self-Harm and Suicidal Activity
Many survivors will react to the death of a perpetrator with increased self-harm or suicidal activity.  The self-harm could be a physical effort of shoving back all the memories and feelings, to regain control.  It could also be an acting out of the trauma memories they are experiencing.  Sometimes survivors feel pulled to commit suicide from the need to be with their dead perpetrator.  When a survivor is experiencing these symptoms, it is imperative to work through the historical causes and beliefs that are supporting such extreme behaviors.

G. Emotional Relief
While experiencing safety from ongoing abuse of this perpetrator, the healthiest goal is for survivors to feel their sadness, their pain, their fear, their anger, etc.  So many feelings get contained away, but once it becomes ok to feel, there is a big release when those feelings can surface.  When survivors can truly allow themselves to address their fear, their anger, and grieve the loss of their perpetrator, they will be much further down the road in their emotional recovery.

All these internal events certainly cause emotional earthquakes in the lives of dissociative trauma survivors.  All of these issues can be addressed effectively in therapy, and many of these issues can be avoided by preparing ahead of time.

If you haven’t worked on breaking the bonds with your perpetrators until after they die, you will have a harder time after their death.  If you have worked on these issues ahead of time, the emotional earthquake won’t be as devastating.

__________

By:

Kathy Broady LCSW

www.AbuseConsultants.com

www.SurvivorForum.com